A blanket of snow obstructs the roads. Your company bars anyone from entering the new office until the movers mount the inspirational wall art. An unprecedented viral pandemic dismantles the social fabric.

These are just a few reasons you may need to work from home (WFH, telecommute, transfigure your dining room into an office), but that shouldn’t stop you from performing at your absolute peak. 

Without further adieu, here are seven hacks to help you knock out your tasks as speedily and effectively as possible.

1.Stick to a Routine

Deadlines remain the same whether you’re commuting to the office or crawling out of bed to hit the typewriter. In turn, maintaining a routine, one where you wake up at a fixed time, put on a new set of clothes, and delineate when to close your laptop, helps you keep a healthy work-life balance – the once elusive dichotomy you finally have charge of.

 

2.Instead of Preparing Food, Consume Raw Ingredients

Just because you committed to a routine, doesn’t mean you can’t streamline each step in between. Eating is no exception as consuming solely the bare ingredients empowers you to leverage the “time” out of “lunchtime.” Don’t worry, your body receives the same nutrients when chasing celery sticks with creamy Italian as it would with a tedious salad, so go ahead and take advantage of your newfound time.

 

3.Brush Your Teeth Once A Week For Fourteen Minutes

Not unlike preparing meals, semi-daily tooth brushing is an overlooked time sink.

By consolidating the American Dental Association’s recommended oral hygiene schedule into just under one power-quarter-hour, you save precious time not fumbling with your toothpaste tube and preserve 13 dollops of toothpaste each week. The more you adhere to this hack, the more time and toothpaste you save.

 

4.Maim Your Phone Beyond Repair

Your phone, and I cannot stress this enough, zaps your focus. 

“Just one more video. Shall I make a meme? Oh, how about I send an emoji to the big group chat of friends I’m in? It’s so great that I can communicate with all of my close friends, of which I have dozens, at just the tap of a screen! Having this many friends is so tough because they want to talk to me all the time, even during work!”

The reason this stream of consciousness sounds so familiar is because your phone shares the same aura, let alone the same Wi-Fi network as you, at the expense of productivity. Many bloggers suggest putting your phone out of sight and out of mind, but those truly committed to their trade let nothing stand in the way of success. This is why you must put your phone out of service… for good.

5.Place a Monitor At Every Vantage Point From Your Workspace

You have far more real estate in your home than at your office. Therefore, you shouldn’t have to waste daylight clicking through tabs just to find a client’s email. 

This is where a second monitor comes in. Add a third while you’re at it for the group spreadsheet. Now a fourth as your actual “working screen.” Hang on, two monitors to your right, two to your left, the middle, dearth of a terminal to display work-related content, yearns for a purpose. Queue the fifth monitor.

 

Until a monitor occupies every possible perspective from your chair, you deprive yourself and your company of your true potential.

 

6. Politely Explain To Your Preschool-aged Children That Every Moment They Pester Mommy/Daddy Equates To Another Five Years Universal Pictures Will Delay The Second Minions Movie

If there is one truth about children, it’s that they love Minions, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that Generation Alpha suffered substantial devastation when Universal Pictures postponed the release of Minions: The Rise of Gru to 2021. 

 

Adding to the headache, children often fail to show compassion about how well you perform at your job, especially when they’re hungry, injured, etc. 

The saving grace – children believe you, their omniscient guardian, know exactly how long things take.

So if your workflow grinds to halt because of those screeching rugrats, sternly explain to them that each of their interruptions to your work directly induces a five-year delay towards their highly anticipated Minions sequel. 

Why five years? As the CDC defines preschool-aged children between three and five years old, five years amounts to at least one lifetime they must wait before witnessing their beloved yellow capsules get into a thrilling new set of unlikely, albeit hilariously adorable mischief. Ergo, you can expect them to leave you alone after relaying this unquestionable cause and effect relationship.

7. Go First On Team Calls Without Asking

Your superiors and cohorts want success for the company, part of which relies on you delivering your deliverables. That being the case, they unequivocally want you to go first on the team call so you can get back to your business. 

Don’t ask for permission as that would question your peers’ commitment to this operation. 

8.Stop

When crippling stress takes hold, set aside a moment to s l  o   w     d     o      w       n.

Stop.

You’re ok. You’re a capable human. You’ve made it this far. 

The road ahead is uncharted territory, but it’s still a road. You’ve overcome such roads, potholes, detours, and all, on countless occasions.

Let that curdle in the dome. Then, s    p     e    e   d   u p.

Go.

Friendly Disclaimer: This blog was written with humor in mind.

Jack Wisniewski

Jack joined PCG Digital as a content writer in September 2019. When he’s not skiing or at the gym, you’ll mostly catch him at comedy clubs performing open mics. When he’s not on stage, he’s writing for it.